Planning my wedding has been a journey to say the least. Considering that myself and my husband are proudly Nigerian, we had to have both a traditional Nigerian wedding in addition to our American white wedding. What’s the difference between the two you ask? I’ll give you three. Throughout the text, you will notice that I call the American wedding the “white wedding.” This is a reference to the formal white wedding gown that brides wear on this wedding date which differs greatly to the colorful wedding garments or “aso-oke” that the bride and groom wear for the traditional wedding.
Introduction
It is our culture to first have an “introduction” before we even get to the traditional wedding. The introduction is a small gathering where both families formally and officially meet. It allows the bride and groom to meet not just the parents, but also extended family members who play a key role in the lineage. The introduction is typically a small affair without the extravagance of a traditional wedding and once the introduction has taken place, the couple will continue to plan for their two wedding dates.
Nigerian Traditional Wedding
This wedding is held before the American wedding and is mostly for our family members. It can be done months or weeks before the white wedding and can be held here in the States or back home in Nigeria. Keep in mind that the traditional wedding is just as extravagant as the white wedding, if not more. Initially, my husband and I contemplated the possibilities of holding the traditional wedding on the same date as the American wedding, but we quite simply came to the resolution that we wanted the full experience of a traditional wedding without feeling rushed or compromising the length of the American wedding. We set our traditional wedding to take place a few days prior to our white wedding and we scheduled ours like this to accommodate our out-of-town guests keeping in mind the costs of travel, hotels, rental cars, etcetera.
Planning this wedding is almost identical to having to plan our American wedding.
We had to source a venue, food caterer, alcohol and bartender, cake artist, DJ, live band, photographer, and videographer as we would for the white wedding. As you can see, this quickly adds up to a similar amount of expenses that one would spend on a white wedding. My advise here is to plan for the wedding when you and your partner are indeed able to afford two weddings.
Just as most white weddings follow the same program, so does the traditional Nigerian wedding.
With the 300+ different tribes in Nigeria, you are sure to know which tribe’s wedding you are attending based on the flow of events at the traditional wedding.
For example, in my Yoruba culture, we have a portion where the groom as to “dobale” which means he and his groomsmen have to prostrate in front of the bride’s family as a sign of respect to the bride’s family. He is then prayed over and continues on with the “alaga’s” instructions. Who is the alaga? They are the MCs of the night. I say they because you typically would have two alagas. One representing the bride’s family and another to represent the groom’s family. Together they coordinate the traditional wedding. I can’t forget to mention aso-ebi which is the lace that each family group and friends wear to show that they are close friends to the celebrants. I love the Nigerian traditional wedding for many reasons and while planning our wedding, I knew that I was looking forward more to the traditional wedding than the white wedding.
American White Wedding
We call this the white wedding because it follows the guidelines of a traditional westernized wedding. The beautiful bride is in a white wedding gown while the groom is in a formal tuxedo and looking dapper as ever. The day starts in the church for the official marriage vow exchange, in front of family and friends, and later the party begins with the reception, either at the same ceremony venue or a different location. This is where you would see the couple’s first dance, cutting of the cake, bouquet and garter tosses, dazzling decor, and so on. The day starts very early and ends late into the night with everyone dancing and celebrating the latest couple in town. You would still see hints of a Nigerian wedding at our white wedding. For one, the bride and groom families will be wearing aso-ebi (family lace colors) and the wedding reception starts with the entrances of both families. Nonetheless, the white wedding is still as fun as the traditional wedding simply because the Nigerian culture is so rich and that richness is shown throughout everything we do in a gathering.
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